Who supports the supporter?

I'm really struggling now. I have been for ages but it hurts today. That sickening, crushing pain under your rib cage; the one that gets behind your eyes so that you want to cry. I haven't got out of bed all day, or even got dressed, although I've managed to eat a bowl of Frosties and a pack of Penguin biscuits.

It's this awful despairing feeling that I can never describe. I know it's 'Depression', everyone tells me that, but I hate how all-consuming it is.

I haven't been sick or cut myself for a while but the urge is very much there. I found myself wondering about gong to get a few packets of pills from my local high street earlier 'just in case'.

I don't know what to do. I don't know why I think writing it here will help. It hasn't, really, but I don't have anyone to talk to. My friends are struggling enough without me adding to it.

Looking the way I do

I don't think I'll ever get used to looking how I do. To being a bit flabby, and to my multicoloured stripy arms. I'll never get used to being shouted at in the street for being overweight. I'll never get used to the way people stare when I wear a t-shirt. I don't think I'll ever learn how to answer the questions.

And yet, I can't stop doing the very things that make me overweight and that caused the scars. I'm trying very hard to stop and haven't done it for a while but that doesn't mean I don't want to...