I perhaps over-use the word 'struggle' but most of the time that's how it feels. An up-hill-struggle from the moment I get out of bed in the morning. I do manage to do that - I make it to prayer nine out of ten weekdays at 7:30 - and I work my hardest to seem functional. As far as I know, none of the other students have any idea what goes on in my head, and although I haven't managed to control the self-harm in any meaningful way, I have hidden it from them.
The only problem has been the cleaning staff coming into my room. I suppose I didn't expect them to take any notice of my rubbish or whatever, but I must have done something to make it obvious because they took it to my tutor, who came to me.
I'm still reeling, feel like a teenager. It's been years since someone came to me and asked. And I feel terrible about it, but I think it keeps me safe in a funny sort of way and I need that right now.
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