One Month Before Heartbreak

I became aware of this blog today. In one month the government's consultation on DLA (disability living allowance) is due to end. Many people have contributed stories about how their DLA has made their lives liveable, in some way. This is mine. It's not as dramatic as some people's, I don't receive very much in the great scheme of things, but this small amount keeps me safe.

I have a mental health condition diagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder. The diagnosis is largely irrelevant; it is characterised by anxiety and depression and I have suffered from those as long as I can remember. Day-to-day, the following things cause me problems:

• I self-harm when I am left alone, in a variety of ways,
• Emotional fatigue causes me to have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time,
• Anxiety sometimes prevents me from leaving the house on time (or at all), and sometimes I need to get the bus for a short distance to compensate for time or get off a busy street,
• I forget to eat, my lack of concentration and low motivation means that I can't cook for myself unsupervised,
• I forget to take my medication, or take it without food so that it makes me ill,
• I don't sleep well; right now I haven't had more than two nights uninterrupted sleep (5 hours or more) in a single week since I started monitoring it in July.

In practice, this means that whilst I am studying (which I am now) I have to live in College and my food is provided usually by the in-house catering. If I can't eat in (if I forget to sign in for meals) I have to buy microwave meals (if I can leave the house to go shopping) or go without. I am lucky that living in College I have a timetable that I can follow and the routine helps me to remember things like eating and taking my medication. If it weren't for my DLA I wouldn't be able to afford this. 

I also need to buy a lot of first-aid kit for self-care. My DLA pays for what I need over-the-counter and allows me to pre-pay for my prescriptions so that I can afford what I need on the NHS. DLA does not entitle anyone to free prescriptions so the rate I receive has to cover my medication. 

When I leave university, I will continue to need this money to pay  for food, and I will need to employ someone to check in on me and make sure I am eating and taking my medication. If - as I anticipate - I start intensive psychological therapies in the months after I leave university, I will also need this small income to supplement my wages as this will compromise my working hours and limit the type of work I can do.

All of that on less than £50 per week.

In a nutshell, my DLA keeps me productive. It kept me in work when I had a crisis in the middle of 2010, saving the government a lot of money in Statutory Sick Pay / Incapacity Benefit / Housing Benefit / etc., and it will enable me to go back to work when my course is over. As someone with a 'hidden' disability, unrelated to mobility, I would probably be one of the 20% who are suddenly ineligible for DLA and if that happens, I honestly don't know what I'll do.