How to lose friends and alienate people

The person in the world I feel closest to, other than Girlie, is The Boy. He's my best friend, and he's been so constant, such a support, and I'm going to lose him.

I've felt it for a while, but today it's been so clear. He can't keep having to pick me up when I crumble. And I crumble so easily ever since The A&E Incident. Today, he clearly didn't want to talk to me.

Then, I felt better after an appointment with the crisis team, so I worked really hard to get dressed up so I wouldn't disappoint by not showing up to some drinks he'd organised. But after I spent an hour psyching myself up to get out and putting my face and my clothes on but he didn't tell me where they were. I forced myself out to meet other people, after an hour of not getting hold of him, I had a panic attack half way to the bus stop...

So here I am. Friday night on my own. All dressed up, somewhere to go, and no way to get there.

I really hope I don't lose him.