What self harm is (and isn't)

One of the more obvious effects of my mental health difficulties is that I self-harm by cutting myself. I have done this since my early teens, for almost ten years now, and the cuts have increased in severity over time. I use the term self-harm to describe this particular behaviour. I know some people find it too vague, "self-harm" could mean any one of a number of things, but it's a term I'm comfortable with.

I believe that self-harm is an addiction. I believe that the reason the wounds get deeper is because, like any other addiction, you begin to need more over time. But I also believe there are some basic fallacies in the world that I want to correct. These are things that have been said either in self-help books, on websites and by well-meaning people to me.

1. "I don't understand. Of course it hurts, isn't it meant to hurt?"
Yes and no. At the time, the endorphin rush and the relief are caused by the pain and the sight of the wound. But the subsequent pain as the wound heals is not an intended consequence, and does make people miserable.


2. "They call themselves 'cutters'."
I honestly read that on the back of a book that was designed to support families and friends of people who self-injure. I have never heard anyone I know (and I know a lot) who self-harms to call themself a 'cutter'. It's a vile term, implying that we have some kind of tribal identity. The reality is that there isn't really a 'we'. Sure, sometimes friends turn to each other for support, sometimes discovering that another friend self-harms can trigger a person to start, but we are not a clan. We do not have a name. We are not 'cutters'.

3. "Your scars are beautiful."
Um, no they're not. I regret them, but they are a part of who I am. Do not assume that I did this for vanity, or to get sexual attention.

4. "Self-harm is just attention seeking behaviour."
Again, it's not. Self-harm is not about getting other people to see the wounds. In fact, most people who self-harm are deeply ashamed of their wounds. We don't display them. If someone trusts you enough to let you see their wounds or their scars, you should respect that.