Today was pretty bad.
So I go to university in town x but I have to spend my holiday at my parents' house in town y. This is not especially unusual for undergraduates (rarer, admittedly for postgraduates) so I would have thought it would be easy enough to understand. I also thought I was pretty lucky because, although they're in different counties and not connected by public transport, x and y are in the same Primary Care Trust (National Health Service local authority). Apparently this doesn't make a difference.
When I phoned them at 11 (under some duress, my mum had to make me do it, I hate feeling like I'm making a fuss) the Crisis Team y had no idea that the psychiatrist from A&E had tried to refer me, and claimed they had no record of a phone call at 8 the night before. Despite that, they agreed to see me at midday so I made my way down there.
After a half hour conversation with two of the nurses, which mostly consisted of telling me off for leaving an area where I had had consistent local health support in order to get on with my life and education rather than remaining in a job I hated for the sake of a thread of support (casting no aspersions on my care co-ordinator, who was brilliant). I just can't do that. I have to go on with my life. One of the nurses also told me that I shouldn't worry about the fact I had a bad time at my first appointment with the complex needs team in x, because "if someone in a shop was rude, you'd still go back". Firstly, that is an appalling analogy. Secondly, no I wouldn't. I have an anxiety disorder and a crippling fear of being disliked. If someone is rude to me, I assume they don't like me and I avoid them at all costs.
I also got a bit annoyed that I was more or less told off for being "emotional", because "that's how you presented to your GP in October". I don't understand why that's not ok? I'm emotional because that's how I am at the moment. I'm a wreck. I don't really leave my room unless it's to go into London because I feel safer there.
Anyway, the rest of the day was spent up-and-down with the Crisis Team. When I left, I had an agreement that we would talk by phone tomorrow and Christmas Day and I'll see them on Boxing Day. The two nurses I saw both agreed that if I feel safer away from home it's not worth changing my plans to be at church on Christmas Eve and Day.
About 20 mins after I'd left, maybe less, when I was with Mum in the supermarket, I had a phone call saying that if they're going to keep me on I need to register as a temporary resident at my parents' surgery so I agreed to that.
I phoned back an hour or so later, just to confirm that I had registered and that seemed to be ok, but almost as soon as I had hung up I got another phone call to say that they won't be able to see me after all, but I can go to my GP if I take another overdose and then maybe they'll see me now I'm on their books.
So that was pretty shit and my parents decided to get involved. I wasn't particularly keen, but couldn't stop them from getting the number and calling so they went ahead and did so. After about 30 minutes of circular argument Dad managed to get them to agree to go back to the original plan, so I'll talk to them by phone over the next two days and see someone on Boxing Day. Don't know when they'll phone but I made it clear when I intend to be travelling, and even offered to go by in the morning if they'd rather see me in person but they said no after all that fuss.
I don't know how much I want to engage with a team of people who don't give a shit but it's only fair to give them a chance, right?
(On the plus side, had to keep an appointment with my parents' surgery in order to maintain the temporary registration, and they were pleasant enough, so if I do have to go back that wouldn't be awful.)
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