Another day, another appointment

I had hoped that I might have something of an ally in my GP. The person I saw last term has moved on, unfortunately, so I was starting with someone new today. All I was intending to do was update them (en bref) on how things were over the holidays. I didn't really need anything, particular, I was just following orders to keep them updated. However, I got a lecture on managing expectations and how difficult it is for doctors to treat people with mental health difficulties.

I had previously had an agreement that I would check in with a GP at least once a fortnight, but the doctor I saw today seemed to think that my being there about an ongoing problem was a waste of his time. He didn't say so, but he also didn't make any effort to check on my progress. He didn't ask why I was seeing the crisis team, or whether I feel any better now.

When you've had mental health difficulties for a long time, going to the doctor is a bit like checking in for a flight if you fly regularly. There are security questions as a formality that are asked to make sure you're safe;

"Do you feel suicidal today?"
(If so, "Do you have a plan?" or "Do you have access to what you would need to harm yourself in that way?")
"Have you been self-harming recently?"
(If so, "Do the wounds need medical attention?")

The absence of these questions, not to mention not telling me to come back if I need  to, just makes me think that they've had enough of me. Maybe it's easier to just withdraw from the system for now. But if I do that, and then something happens and I end up seeking urgent treatment later on, I know I'll be told off for not seeking help sooner.

I just don't know what to do any more. The services that are supposed to help are almost a hindrance, what's a crazy girl to do?!